To begin with, we're still going back to journals and knowledge from previous years written down, so I'm going to add some books I have written down and have read for any book lovers out there:
-
The Power Of Self-Discipline - Brian Tracy
-
Million Dollar Habits - Stellan Mareira
-
The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem- Nathanial Branden
****
One year, 2020 to be exact, I found myself projecting a lot of my emotions onto the people closest to me. I felt a lot of emotions constantly and never really sat at peace with myself. This is when I decided to write down exactly what emotion I am feeling and why.
Let's begin:
Anger:
I hold in a lot of anger. I hold it in for "growth" but anger is a normal feeling. Something I am going to allow myself to feel and release in a healthy way. I'm mad at my parents for the mistakes I feel they have made and I can see clearly how it affected my self -esteem, and contributed to abandonment issues. I'm mad at them for not being there for me mentally or emotionally.
Guilt:
I feel guilty for the things I have done when I was younger. I feel guilty for the times I have hurt the ones I love. Guilty for the mistakes I have made, for acting immaturely and for making decisions I knew were wrong.
****
I only allowed myself to go surface level in sharing what I wrote down when it came to these emotions but I encourage you to dig deep within yourself and find the root of why you feel the emotions you do or act the way you do.
After I wrote down how I felt, why I felt it, and HOW they affected my everyday, I continued:
Forgiveness
Parents, I forgive you because I know you loved and cared for me only to what you could do. Only to what you know. I know you never had the chance to work and fully focus on yourselves. I don't take it personal anymore. ____ I forgive you as well because you also did not know any better. I forgive you all and myself for allowing myself to think that how I was treated is how I deserved to be treated. I forgive myself for not knowing my true worth.
Reminder To Self
I LOVE YOU. I love your beautiful green eyes, your hair, your soul and personality. Do you know how magnetic you are? You are magical, you are eternal peace and beauty. I am proud of you.
Through this exercise I have learned and come to recognize that the people in your life can only treat you, love you, and care about you at the depth that they are within themselves. If that makes sense, basically nobody can love you, care about, you, teach you, or treat you better than they treat themselves. For this, you should abstain from taking things personal. People can only give you as much as they give themselves. They can only understand you as much as you understand yourself. I have learned from personal experience that people often speak and act out of their own self-judgement and self-love. Do not let people's energy consume you, do not let other people tell you about yourself.
When I wrote this journal entry I remember I was truly treating others in the ways I treated myself. It was a crazy realization and hard pill to swallow that the relationships around me were the way they were because of how I felt inside. I have become highly self-aware now in my relationships. I can actively recognize when I am treating someone based on displaced emotions. It's actually amazing checking yourself on your toxic traits, reflecting, and changing. I truly believe this life is about constant growth, in every way shape and form.